Adoption is ALWAYS complex and has elements of Loss

Stephanie Drenka, born in Korea in 1986, was placed for adoption at the age of 3 months and was adopted shortly after by an American couple in the USA.  She was and is well-loved by her parents and extended family.

You can read Stephanie Drenka’s article here:

Stephanie, however, writes about the sense of loss, her desperation to please people, inability to say no, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, susceptibility to abusive relationships that are also all a part of adoption.  She states:

“My call to action is not for the end of adoption. It is for a deeper understanding of its complexities, even the not-so-pleasant parts. There needs to be a centering of adoptee voices and value placed on their experiences. We must acknowledge their loss and develop trauma-informed support systems for them. “

We have written here, on our blog, about various aspects of Adoption and we know that in some ways, Adoption is almost always based on Loss.

The Loss of the Fantasized Child [for the adoptive parents] and possibly the Loss of the Child lost through Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death.

The Loss of the Child [by the birth family].

The Loss of the Birth Family [by the adoptee].

Not all adoptions are happy, just as not all families are happy ones.

In our blog at, we have commented on various aspects of adoption and will continue to do so during November which is Adoption Awareness Month.  Please take a look at our articles; they do not gloss over the loss and pain experienced by most who are part of the adoption story.  Later in November, we will touch on other aspects of Stephanie’s story and her view of Adoption

Michaele-Sue Goldblatt, MSW, RSW
November 16th, 2018
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